Tom Brady’s lost Super Bowl jersey found at Adventist thrift store

ATLANTA, Ga. — The cloud of mystery hanging over Tom Brady’s Super Bowl LI jersey lifted today. The jersey which had gone missing soon after the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl turned Read more […]

Literalist Adventist clad in full armor of God not wearing pants

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A devout yet slightly odd third generation Adventist walked the streets of Berrien Springs this morning wearing elaborate, highly authentic-looking upper body armor Read more […]

Wearing Adventist t-shirts drastically improves your odds of a Vespers Date

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Single Adventists faced with navigating the ultra-competitive world of equally-yoked dating have lately been clamoring for the ultimate competitive advantage: Adventist Read more […]

Sabbath watches at average Adventist church contain “enough gold for calf statue”

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — New data from a survey of Adventist Sabbath-keeping habits has quantified the gold content of watches members wear to church every Sabbath. The Andrews University Read more […]

Adventist matriarch disfellowshipped for tattooing eyebrows

Grand Rapids, Mich. — Sixty-nine-year-old Elsa Brown, a long-time member of Grand Rapids-based Oak Lane Church was disfellowshipped yesterday after the church board determined that her eyebrows Read more […]

NFL Commissioner Converts to Adventism, Super Bowl Champs to Receive Watches

GLENDALE, Ariz. — In a major shake-up for Superbowl Sunday, the NFL commissioner has just announced that the winning team’s players will be awarded watches this year instead of Super Bowl Read more […]

Slide Show: What to wear to church

In distress over how to dress in ways Adventist? Wipe thy brow, we’ll show you how. (*Please note: Rules do not apply in Hawaii and certain parts of Southern California, except in churches whose names include an ethnicity and/or Pauline church plant and in congregations where the mean age is 55.)