Social Media Evangelist Busted Playing Candy Crush

SILVER SPRING, Md. — TikTok native Ben Streemur was a logical recruit to the GC’s digital evangelism initiative when he finished college last summer. Graduating with a theology and marketing Read more […]

GC Delegates to Vote on Whether Adventist Haystacks Should Feature Fritos or Doritos

ST. LOUIS, Mo.— General Conference Session delegates are gearing up to vote on an issue that threatens to divide the denomination: the chips used in haystacks. Delegates are choosing between Read more […]

Re-elected Wilson Changes GC Session Theme Song to “I Shall Not Be Moved”

ST. LOUIS, Mo. — In remarks immediately following news of his re-election to a third term as General Conference President, Ted Wilson changed the 2022 GC Session theme song from “There is Read more […]

Karate Training Required For Jokester Adventist Pastors in Danger of Getting Will Smithed

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Md. — Adventist pastors prone to risqué jokes have been sent back to seminary for emergency continuing dedication. “Will Smith’s Oscars slap attack on Chris Rock made Read more […]

Mass Evangelism Venue Comes With Revolving Door

Greesei, Md. – At no extra cost, Soul Catchenreleese Stadium is offering fully-greased revolving doors for the latest GC-sponsored mass evangelism event. Stadium management guarantees Read more […]

Kinship Relocates To 3rd Floor GC Office Suite

  SILVER SPRING, Md. — “OK, so we don’t exactly see eye-to-eye on every issue but they promised they were vegetarians and would pay rent so we signed them up as tenants on the spot,” Read more […]