Andrews Prophecy Experts Warn Against Predicting Day Or Hour Coronavirus Lockdown Will End

BERRIENS SPRINGS, Mich. — As everyone from President Trump to your Aunt Mildred chimes in with predictions of when coronavirus lockdowns will be lifted, Andrews University prophecy experts are Read more […]

Supreme Court To Rule On Whether Loma Linda Is “More Adventist” Than Berrien Springs

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A question that has been burning in the minds of thousands of Adventists for decades may finally be answered this year: Is Loma Linda more Adventist than Berrien Springs?” As Read more […]

Vatican Charging Adventists $666 For Tourist Visa

Vatican City — Adventists hoping to visit the Vatican are being charged a new “Theological Reciprocity Visa” fee costing $666. The fee allows Adventists free access to the historical sights Read more […]

BREAKING: Trump Directed Southern’s Campus Safety To Spy On Biden

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Recently-surfaced Oval Office call transcripts that were declassified this morning show that President Donald Trump directed Campus Safety officers at Southern Adventist Read more […]

Tower of Babel Completed Thanks To Stirring Rendition of “Love in Any Language”

TODAY in Ancient Mesopotamia — Builders that had been slaving away at the tower of Babel hit what could generously be described as a “communication snag” earlier in the morning when they discovered Read more […]

Epcot Center Visits Now Count As Overseas Mission

SILVER SPRING, Md. — GC Missions strategists have confirmed that visits to Orlando’s Epcot Center satisfy all the requirements for overseas mission as the place has a “super international feel Read more […]