Vatican Charging Adventists $666 For Tourist Visa

Vatican City — Adventists hoping to visit the Vatican are being charged a new “Theological Reciprocity Visa” fee costing $666. The fee allows Adventists free access to the historical sights Read more […]

ABC Stores Announce Sale On Gold, Frankincense And Myrrh

ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist Book Centers everywhere are featuring a Christmas sale of gold, frankincense and myrrh products. All wise Adventists are invited to stock up on items from the Read more […]

Loma Linda Releases “Nothing Is Impossible Burger”

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Loma Linda University nutritionists launched the Nothing Is Impossible Burger earlier today in a bid to “reassert Adventist veggie product mojo” in an increasingly crowded Read more […]

Buttigieg Takes Heat For Being “Whiter Than Walla Walla”

SOUTH BEND, Ind. — As he rises in the polls, US presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg is struggling to appeal to black voters. After it emerged that the South Bend, Indiana mayor’s campaign Read more […]

AMAZING: Amazon Launches “Before You Click We Will Answer” Delivery Service

UNITED STATES – In a truly inspired service upgrade, Amazon launched its “Before You Click We Will Answer” delivery service today. The service means that indecisive customers who have no idea Read more […]

BLACKPINK Releases “Favorite Adventist Hymns” Album

SEOUL, Korea — Fresh off the news that their music video Ddu-Du Ddu-Du was the first K-pop video to reach 1 billion views on YouTube, South Korean girl group BLACKPINK has announced that their Read more […]

Bleak Prospects: Silver Spring 7-Elevens Flooded With Applications From Panicked GC Officials Facing Election Season

SILVER SPRING, Md. — 7-Eleven stores in the Silver Spring area have run out of application forms after being flooded by employment requests from GC officials worried about their re-election Read more […]

GC Session 2020 To Vote On Ordination Of Kanye

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference announced this morning that the ordination eligibility of rapper-turned-gospel-star, Kanye West, would be placed on the agenda for next summer’s GC Read more […]

Shark Tank Rejects Adventist Boarding Academy Idea As “So Last Century”

  CULVER CITY, Calif. — The investors on business pitch show “Shark Tank” have roundly rejected a pitch for what a group of ordained Adventist pastors called “An Adventist Boarding Academy.” Billionaire Read more […]