GC: “I will survive” disco anthem contradicts state of the dead

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Seventh-day Adventists around the world have been advised by General Conference leaders that the popular disco anthem “I Will Survive” contradicts church teachings regarding Read more […]

Tupperware pays tithe on Adventist foot-washing bowl contract

ORLANDO, Fla. — Tupperware Brands Corporation, parent company of popular Tupperware products, has paid tithe on the first 12 months of a world-wide exclusive foot-washing bowl contract with Read more […]

Philippine President Duterte’s Seventh-day Adventist membership application in character review process

MANILA, Philippines — An application for membership in the Seventh-day Adventist Church has been submitted by newly-elected Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte. The church has acknowledged Read more […]

Police remove Nebuchadnezzar statue from Doug Batchelor event due to weak feet

LANSING, Mich. — Earlier today, Lansing police removed a large statue of Nebuchadnezzar which had been erected to advertise a Doug Batchelor Amazing Facts Daniel and Revelation event. Lansing Read more […]

Report: Adventists WAY more productive one hour before Friday sunset

BERRIEN SPINGS, Mich. — A major study into the lifestyles of Seventh-day Adventists has revealed that per hour productivity of most church members skyrockets in the hour directly preceding Friday Read more […]

Bird trumps Magic’s $550K Oakwood donation with $650K for Indiana Academy

WEST BADEN SPRINGS, Ind. — In a sign that the decades-long rivalry between two basketball greats is far from over, former Celtics star Larry Bird has bested a donation that Earvin “Magic” Read more […]

Magic Johnson admits to authoring BarelyAdventist

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — After a mysterious silence of two years, the blogger behind Adventist humor and satire site BarelyAdventist has been revealed as retired American professional basketball Read more […]

Adventist Church: You can’t pray for Game of Thrones characters

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have released a statement reminding church members that praying for Game of Thrones characters is “a completely fruitless exercise.” General Read more […]

Adventist chart wins Guinness World Record for “Most Confusing Illustration”

LONDON, England — The Seventh-day Adventist Church has set a fresh Guinness World Record for Most Confusing Illustration. Guinness spokesperson Naka Lilito said that the organization’s judges Read more […]