Adventist leaders pray for new prophet in 2016 — a male one

SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference leaders are ushering in 2016 with a season of prayer and fasting for a new Adventist prophet in 2016. This time around, however, leaders are specifically Read more […]

Ellen White action figure shoots to top of Adventist Christmas gift lists

Excited Adventists everywhere are ripping open carefully wrapped Christmas presents and according to real-time data available from the General Conference Department of Questionable Expenditure, Read more […]

Pope sends Doug Batchelor a Christmas card saying “all is forgiven”

ROSEVILE, Calif. — An unexpected Christmas card from Pope Francis was delivered to veteran Adventist evangelist Doug Batchelor today. After wishing Batchelor a Merry Christmas, the Pope added Read more […]

Embarrassing mom touts son’s Union College scholarship, doesn’t mention everyone gets one

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — The holidays have become a little less bearable for family, friends and even loose acquaintances of Plyse Stahp whose 18-year-old son, Husker, just received an acceptance Read more […]

Adventist pastor fired for “may the force be with you” benediction

BURBANK, Calif. — There’s a fresh job vacancy at North Burbank Seventh-day Adventist Church after avid Star Wars fanboy and former Senior Pastor Laffa Mignit ended this weekend’s Sabbath benediction Read more […]

Adventist Risk Management hawks Home Alone booby traps as Time of Trouble protection

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist Risk Management has launched a major advertising campaign to drive sales of what a press release calls “Home Alone-style booby traps to enhance the safety of Adventists Read more […]

“The Great Controversy” retitled “Star Wars” by Adventist Church

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a hasty rebranding move, Adventist church leaders have retitled Ellen White’s The Great Controversy as Star Wars. General Conference public relations director, Spihn Read more […]

Supreme Court to hear Adventist vs. Mormon dispute over “haystacks origins”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A growing legal dispute between the Seventh-day Adventist and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is headed for the US Supreme Court. At the heart of the battle Read more […]

Walla Walla students pray for Second Coming “before Finals Week”

College Place, Wash. — Hundreds of Walla Walla University students huddled together this morning to pray for what students leaders called a “pre-Finals Week Second Coming.” Winter Quarter Read more […]

Adventist pews rated least comfortable in Christendom

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a Pew Research Center survey of Christian attitudes toward the comfort level of their church pews, Seventh-day Adventists have given their pews the worst rating of any Read more […]