Adventist Church hires first Director of Friendship Evangelism

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Citing an urgent need to “start somewhere,” General Conference leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have hired a somber feline by the name of Grumps as the first Read more […]

The General Conference promises your guardian angel will watch this film with you SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first time in Seventh-day Adventist history, General Conference leaders have promised church members that their guardian angels will Read more […]

First vegetarian Chick-fil-A to open at Southern Adventist University

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — In a completely unprecedented innovation, chicken sandwich chain Chick-fil-A has announced plans to open its very first vegetarian restaurant on the campus of Southern Read more […]

Over-caffeinated Andrews seminarian thinks God crashed his car

ST. JOSEPH, Mich. — What was supposed to be a morning flaunt with a certain sinful caffeinated beverage turned into a lesson from God yesterday morning. Felipe Sucre was already running late Read more […]

Nelson’s salary slashed for suggesting shorter sermons in Adventism

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — One of the best known evangelists in Seventh-day Adventism has seen his salary slashed by 50 percent for suggesting that sermon times in the denomination should clock Read more […]

Candidates visit Loma Linda, hire rival CHIP lifestyle coaches

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — In a bid to convince voters they are healthy enough to win the presidency, both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have signed up for personalized CHIP (Complete Health Improvement Read more […]