Adventist matriarch disfellowshipped for tattooing eyebrows

Grand Rapids, Mich. — Sixty-nine-year-old Elsa Brown, a long-time member of Grand Rapids-based Oak Lane Church was disfellowshipped yesterday after the church board determined that her eyebrows Read more […]

Slide Show: If popular TV shows were Adventist…

BarelyAdventist re-imagines what popular TV shows would be like if they had Adventism in mind.

Ben Carson to host Saturday Night Live

Baltimore, Md. — Ben Carson has accepted an invitation to host NBC’s Saturday Night Live this weekend. The invitation came as somewhat of a surprise to the Adventist former neurosurgeon Read more […]

Study: Ignoring visitors may hurt church attendance

Those shorts have got “Newbie” written all over them… SILVER SPRING, Md. — “Turns out ignoring new people isn’t a great church growth strategy,” said Kent Latherby, lead statistician for Read more […]

Pentatonix to headline at GC San Antonio

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Wildly popular a capella group Pentatonix has been booked to perform at this summer’s July 2-11 General Conference session in San Antonio. The group, formed in 2011, Read more […]

La Sierra launches ‘We Have Hotter Students’ campaign

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Shivering students, wrapped in layers of bulky winter clothing at Adventist colleges across the nation are being treated to what many consider to be infuriating La Sierra Read more […]

Woman has lowered standards enough to date that guy from church

GLENDALE, Calif. — Although it hasn’t been an easy journey getting to this point, Michelle Turner says that the next time that Ed from church asks her out, she might actually say yes. Turner Read more […]

Fun fines to spend your cash on while at Southern

With over 30 fineable offenses on the books, Southern Adventist University presents a beautifully varied menu of ways for starving students to use their hard-earned cash. Although we contemplated listing every single fine, the list was eye-crossingly boring so we have opted instead to show some of the highlights. Enjoy!

Adventist anti-women’s ordination campaigners struggle with whole ‘woman co-founder thingy’

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — Campaigners against women’s ordination are struggling with a simple yet annoyingly inconvenient reality:  Ellen G. White’s gender. “We do our best to seek Ellen White’s Read more […]