Foreign exchange student “speaking in tongues” kicked out of chapel at Southern

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — A school-wide chapel service was disrupted today at Southern Adventist University when a team of Campus Safety officers stormed the stage of Collegedale Church to remove Read more […]

Adventist church bulletins to feature dating listings

SILVER SPRING, Md. —- “As of this coming Sabbath, Adventist church bulletins around the world will carry dating listings featuring single church members within a 50-mile radius of any given Read more […]

Study: Carob eaters face a long, cruel existence

Life without chocolate is nasty, brutish and long… LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers behind a 30-year study tracking the health of self-confessed carob eaters report that consumption of Read more […]

Conference President: Why have female pastors when you have pastor’s wives?

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Two members of the Theology of Ordination Study Committee believe there is a simple solution to the women’s ordination question: real pastors’ wives. Tri-States Conference Read more […]

Pioneer Memorial Church fires Baby Jesus nativity actor

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Mere weeks before the start of a punishing performance schedule, nativity play organizers at Pioneer Memorial Church have made the difficult decision to fire the Read more […]

Adventist vegans to be cast in Hunger Games

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Lionsgate film execs for the popular ‘Hunger Games’ series have revealed that dozens of vegan Adventists have been cast as extras for emaciated crowd scenes in the Read more […]

Southwestern Adventist University claims a graduate has found a job

KEENE, Texas — Southwestern Adventist University sent a press release to regional media late yesterday claiming that a recent graduate has found a job. “We are proud to announce that Read more […]

Ted Wilson to pardon Tofurky for Thanksgiving

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Preparations are being made for the debut of what church officials predict will be a huge annual hit: The General Conference President pardoning Tofurky just inside the Read more […]

La Sierra board shocks with “turkey is not meat” statement

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — La Sierra University’s Board of Trustees released a statement today categorically defining turkey as a non-meat food. The board convened days after the university had Read more […]