Wednesday, October 16, 2024
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Preaching

Pastor Considering Eliminating Sermon Altogether Since Worship Leader Just Repeats Everything Anyway

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Pastor Jed Dumas of Berbose Community Adventist Church is seriously considering eliminating his weekly sermon altogether, citing the fact that his worship leader, Wes Crosby, just...
Legalism

Adventist Runner Disqualified from Marathon for Refusing to Pin on Number, Citing Leviticus

BOSTON, Mass. — An Adventist runner was disqualified from the Boston Marathon this year after refusing to pin his race bib to his shirt, citing the book of Leviticus. Silas...
Church Life

Advent-Lift Ride-Sharing App, Promises to Get You to Church on Time (or Your Tithe Back!)

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Tired of showing up late to Sabbath School because you refused to start your car on holy time? Fear not, weary Adventist traveler – the General Conference...
Sabbath Observance

Local Adventist Invokes “Ox in the Ditch” Loophole to Work on Beating Video Game Level

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Local Adventist gamer Landon Reese invoked the rarely used "ox in the ditch" clause this past Sabbath to continue working...
Preaching

Adventist Pastor’s Attempt to Emulate Hulk Hogan’s RNC Shirt-Rip During Sermon Goes Horribly Wrong

In a misguided attempt to connect with younger churchgoers, Pastor Brock "The Rock" Johnson of Tumbleweed Seventh-day Adventist Church found himself in a precarious...
Veganism

Loma Linda Scientists Create Vegan Substitute So Realistic, Vegans Refuse to Eat It

Researchers at Loma Linda University's School of Public Health have unveiled a new vegan substitute so convincing that even die-hard vegans are questioning their...
Adventist Culture

New Adventist Board Game ‘Sabbath Loopholes’ Becomes Overnight Sensation

In a surprising turn of events, a new board game called "Sabbath Loopholes" has taken the Adventist world by storm, selling out in record...

Adventist Culture

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Local Elder Mistakes Sermon Notes for Shopping List, Preaches About Almond Milk

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In a mix-up at Nutsberry Seventh-day Adventist Church last...

Study Finds Inverse Relationship Between “Finishing the Work” Sermons and Community Service

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A groundbreaking study conducted by the Adventist Research Institute...

Adventist Couple Celebrates Freedom from Caffeine on Independence Day

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LOMA LINDA, Calif. - While most Americans celebrated their...

Sneaky Ways Adventists Try to Figure Out If You’re “Liberal” or “Conservative”

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We Adventists are a diverse bunch, aren't we? Sometimes,...

Adventist Food

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Evangelist Shocked to Discover Bible Contains Books Other Than Daniel and Revelation

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Local Adventist evangelist Pastor Jim Prophecy was reportedly left...

Summer Evangelism Series Rebranded as ‘Prophecy and Popsicles’ to Boost Attendance

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In an attempt to combat dwindling attendance at their...

Biden “Committing 100%” to Adventist NEWSTART Program in Prep for Next Debate

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US President Joe Biden has reportedly embraced the Seventh-day...

Trump Insists on ‘Haystack-Building’ Competition to Demonstrate Problem-Solving Skills in Presidential Debate

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In a move that has left both political pundits...

Sabbath Observance

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Adventist Dog Prays Before Meals, Refuses to Fetch on Sabbath

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — An Adventist family's dog named...

GC Nominating Committee Suggesting More Candidates for US Presidency

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The General Conference Nominating Committee announced today that they...

Marriage On Rocks Due to Clashing Sabbath Dishwashing Beliefs

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It all began innocently enough when both Sam and...

GC Bans Chocolate with Coffee or Alcohol, Sends Inspectors to Adventist Homes

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Silver Spring, Md. - The General Conference has announced...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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