Theology Major Prays For Return Of Banquets
RIVERSIDE, Calif. – La Sierra University theology major, Joe Sayido, has spent much of the New Year in earnest prayer for a return to favorable pastor’s wife hunting conditions. At the top Read more […]
Ben Carson Opens Network Of ‘Gifted Nails’ Salons
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Adventist former neurosurgeon and current Trump cabinet member, Ben Carson, has never been one to rest on his laurels. Carson has announced that when his term as US Secretary Read more […]
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Boris Johnson Commits To Taking Christian Grooming And Manners Pathfinder Honor
LONDON, UK – In response to political pressure to sort out his hair, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has committed to taking radical action in 2021. Standing at a podium, with hair completely Read more […]
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Return Policy Not Great On ADRA Gift Catalog Goats
ADVENTIST WORLD – A bombshell report from the International Trade Commission (ITC) today revealed there basically is no return policy on goats secured through the ADRA catalog. Although the Read more […]
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Adventist Prays Little Debbie Treat Will Nourish And Strengthen His Body
Chattanooga, Tenn. – Dying to rip open a box of Little Debbie Nutty Buddy treats, local Pathfinder counselor Patch Aittems paused briefly to say grace, asking for the sugar bomb to nourish and Read more […]
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Santa Sick Of Adventists Telling Kids He’s Not Real
NORTH POLE: Santa Claus spent today fuming about Adventist efforts to persuade kids he doesn’t exist. “It’s hard enough to deliver presents with COVID complicating everything,” Santa Read more […]
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Tom Cruise Made World Pathfinder Drill Sergeant
SILVER SPRING, Md. — This week, the General Conference Youth Department offered Tom Cruise the role of global Pathfinder drill sergeant after his scathing rebuke of staff breaking COVID-distancing Read more […]
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Adventist Committee Sets Guinness World Record For Longest Meeting
Chatty, Mich. — Longwind SDA has at least one thing to celebrate despite the COVID craziness that has defined the last several months. The Guinness World Record organization notified the Read more […]
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ABC Stores Dedicate Shelf Space To COVID Conspiracy Theories
ADVENTIST WORLD —- ABC stores are cashing in on the dramatic surge in conspiracy theory dissemination lately by dedicating shelf space to the stickiest ideas. COVID has allowed some of the Read more […]
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Breaking: Facebook Allowed Adventist Mom To Spy On Millennial Son
WASHINGTON, D.C. —- Calls for action against Facebook intensified on Capitol Hill today with the bombshell revelation that an overly-involved Adventist mom has been using the social media platform Read more […]
