Heaven Creates Subdivision For Adventists
HEAVEN – Construction angels have been working overtime lately as an ultra-exclusive gated community in heaven takes shape. The subdivision will only house Adventists and is being built so Read more […]
Report: BRI Does Nothing But Play BibleOpoly All Day
BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — A compliance committee investigation into the daily activities of the Biblical Research Institute staff has revealed that the team of Read more […]
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Loma Linda Blue Zoner Busted Eating Cheeseburger
Loma Linda, Calif. — Bill Worthington, one of the faces of the Loma Linda Blue Zone, was busted by veggie cops yesterday as he was devouring a cheeseburger for the very first time. Read more […]
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Adventists Launch Alexa-Like “Ellen G.” Advice Pod
SILVER SPRING, Md. — As of this coming Monday, ABC stores will stock Ellen G., an Alexa-like advice pod brimming with Ellen G. White’s advice on just about every life issue. Unlike Alexa Read more […]
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Adventist Colleges Replace Campus Security Officers With Robots
ADVENTIST WORLD — In a bold, blanket move, Adventist colleges have replaced all campus security personnel with robots. Although the initial capital outlay has forced a substantial tuition Read more […]
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Instagram “Adventist” Filter Removes Jewelry
MENLO PARK, Calif. — A new “Adventist” filter released by Instagram allows church members to automatically edit out jewelry from their pictures before posting them to the platform. Instagram Read more […]
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3ABN Airs USA vs. Thailand Without Score
WEST FRANKFORT, Ill. — In an Adventist first, the Three Angels Broadcasting Network (3ABN) aired a FIFA Women’s World Cup game. The Adventist network agreed to air the USA vs Thailand soccer Read more […]
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Lifelong Adventist Accepts Christ
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Martha Dogood has spent the entirety of her life in Loma Linda and is the current world record holder for personally-earned Pathfinder honor patches (they fill up seven Read more […]
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Magic-Free Adventist Screening of Aladdin Lasts Five Minutes
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — An Adventist-appropriate version of Disney’s live action Aladdin re-make was screened on the campus of Andrews University last night. The screening, which took place Read more […]
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Michigan Conference Pedometer Measures Sabbath Steps
Lansing, Mich. — In an effort to enforce Sabbath observance guidelines, the Michigan Conference is distributing pedometers that will measure steps taken by Adventists on Sabbath. Pedometer data Read more […]
