iPhone Designer Jony Ive Leaves Apple To Fix Adventist Prophetic Charts

CUPERTINO, Calif. — Sir Jony Ive, the famed designer of the iMac, the iPod and the iPhone, is leaving Apple after decades of service to, in his own words, “make Adventist prophetic charts less Read more […]

“Glass Ceiling” Adventist Remake Of “The Office” To Be Filmed At GC

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Filming has begun for an Adventist version of hit sitcom The Office at the General Conference headquarters of the denomination. Titled Glass Ceiling, the show will feature Read more […]

Andrews Seminary Sells Impulse Engagement Rings

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A vending machine for budget engagement rings has been installed in the front lobby of the seminary at Andrews University. A range of rings can now be purchased in a Read more […]

Literalist Men’s Retreat Ends With Everyone’s Eyes Plucked Out

The “Blind Faith” Men’s Retreat ended today with an entirely eye-less crowd of men trying to find their way out of an auditorium. Speakers at the retreat had advocated a stridently literal Read more […]

Heaven Creates Subdivision For Adventists

HEAVEN – Construction angels have been working overtime lately as an ultra-exclusive gated community in heaven takes shape. The subdivision will only house Adventists and is being built so Read more […]