• About BarelyAdventist
  • Support BarelyAdventist on Patreon

BarelyAdventist

Adventist satire and humor (not exactly news)  
Skip to content
  • About BarelyAdventist
  • Support BarelyAdventist on Patreon
All kidding aside, click to learn more about Union College

Subscribe to BarelyAdventist if you want to laugh more!

Remember what the Bible says about a merry heart?;)

Adventist Publishing, Stewardship

Thunberg To GC: Stop Killing Trees To Print Quarterlies. App Is Way Better.

By sevvy September 24, 2019  climate, warming, waste 1

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Climate activist Greta Thunberg used a portion of her United Nations address this week to implore the General Conference to stop killing trees by printing Sabbath School quarterlies. The Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading
Compliance

GC Keeps Nukes, Vows Not To Push Button

By sevvy September 20, 2019  partial reversals, reconciliation 1

SILVER SPRING, Md. — After generating worldwide Adventist concern with a heavy-handed Annual Council decision to manufacture nuclear weapons, GC officials have recently let it slip that the Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading
Annual Council

Annual Council To Be Held In Chernobyl

By sevvy September 13, 2019  nuclear, radioactive 2

SILVER SPRING, Md. — After endless fun at last year’s Battle Creek-based Annual Council, church administrators have announced that the meetings will, yet again, be held away from the General Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading
Adventist Book Center

ABC Stores Rattled As Walmart Opens Hot New EGW / Veggie Cheese Aisles

By sevvy September 11, 2019  invisible hand 4

ADVENTIST WORLD – The Adventist Book Center chain is officially under siege after an announcement from Walmart that the retail giant is not just going to stand by and let someone else cash in Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading
Prophecy

Sharpie Used On Prophetic Chart

By sevvy September 10, 2019  #sharpiegate 1

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For the second time in a week, it appears that Oval Office Sharpies have been used to alter illustrations. This time, a far more cheerful, pink color was used. And instead Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading
Adventist Attire

Nicki Minaj Announces Retirement, Donation Of Entire Wardrobe To Adventist Community Services

By sevvy September 6, 2019  What to do? 1

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. — Rapper Nicki Minaj followed the shocking announcement of her retirement with another tweet saying that she was donating her entire stage wardrobe to Adventist Community Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading
Great Disappointment

AV Guy Lacks Spiritual Gift Of Song Service Slide Advancement

By sevvy September 5, 2019  Interrupted praise 2

Tone Deaf, Mich. — Joyful Noise Adventist Church members are at a loss as to what to do with their AV guy, Han Sauver, who has yet to get through a single service without forgetting to advance Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading
Annual Council

GC Crafts Abortion Statement Because Members Can’t Think For Themselves

By sevvy September 4, 2019  group think, individual conscience, too much 1

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A new draft document expressing the Adventist position on abortion is being prepared for Annual Council this year because Adventist members are unable to think, pray Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading
Pathfinders

Pathfinder Glamping To Replace Roughing It

By sevvy September 3, 2019  At last 3

    ADVENTIST WORLD —  After complaints from thousands of Pathfinders and counselors that traditional Pathfindering is way too rough, clubs around the world will now only offer Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading
Adventist entertainment

Adventist Dictionary Defines Labor Day As “Unsabbathy Sabbath”

By sevvy September 2, 2019  Adventist meaning, AdventSpeak, definition 4

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The official Adventist dictionary that makes sense of everything from 1844 to “the daily” defines Labor Day for the first time in its latest edition. The volume defines Read more […]

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket
  • Print
  • Email
Continue reading

Posts navigation

1 2 3 4 5 6 … 116

Categories

Top 10

  • Chuck Norris converts to Adventism, turns world vegetarian
  • Trump to Adventists: “Steps to Christ” is my…
  • Ellen G. White chosen as new face of $10 bill
  • OBG – Seventh-day Adventist Church wins copyright to…
  • Pope visits General Conference to congratulate leaders on…
  • Philippine President Duterte’s Seventh-day Adventist…
  • FDA recommends haystacks as “most balanced meal in…
  • Obama nominates Adventist Senate Chaplain Barry Black to…
  • Vatican deports Doug Batchelor
  • Zayn Malik leaves boy band One Direction, joins Heritage…
BarelyAdventist
Powered by Fluida & WordPress.
WordPress Video Lightbox
loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.

By continuing to use the site, you agree to the use of cookies. more information

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.

Close