WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump and soon-to-be Senator from Utah, Mitt Romney, felt extremely bad about the harsh words they’d hurled at each other over the last 24 hours and offered Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference released what it called a “grave greeting” this morning wishing Adventists everywhere a “Compliant 2019.” The e-card greeting linked to “helpful guidance” Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In what the GC is calling “the ultimate sign of bromantic, compliant UNITY,” General Conference President Ted Wilson and North American Division President Dan Jackson have Read more […]
Adventist World — Adventists making unspoken prayer requests will now be required to provide hints as to the nature of these mysterious petitions to the curious crowd around them. Whether on Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — GC President Ted Wilson’s unacknowledged but widely imagined skunkworks technology team sprung a internal compliance leak yesterday. An unnameable source listed three projects Read more […]
Adventist World — Church leaders are predicting that a newly-patented robot called Gimme will solve Adventists’ ingathering woes. Gimme is programmed to go door-to-door and ask people to give Read more […]
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Billionaire inventor Elon Musk claims that the tunnels he is digging to help urbanites beat traffic gridlock will also have other benefits like “helping students at Adventist Read more […]
CAIRO, Egypt — Archaeologists in Egypt have found what they are calling “definitive proof that carob was as disgusting in ancient times as it is now.” The proof was found in a recently-discovered Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A critically injured grape was rushed to Loma Linda University Medical Center this afternoon after a terrible fall from a local kitchen counter. Already dangerously close Read more […]
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Leading climate change scientists from top research centers worldwide have issued a joint statement warning that recently-formed General Conference compliance committees are Read more […]
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